As a daughter, there have always been three certain things in my life. Death, taxes, and the deep, passionate love my parents always had for each other.
So it seems fitting that my parents’ wedding anniversary falls on May 11 every year around Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Because in my view they are who they are as individuals and parents, past and present, because of their love, commitment, dedication and bonding with one another, first and foremost. Although their marriage has not always been easy, their love has transcended all circumstances and has always been the solid foundation for our family dynamism.
But my mother stands alone this year. Life did the thing it did so tragically and horribly, cancer took my father’s life shortly after Father’s Day last year.
As if it couldn’t get any harsher, May 11th this year will be my parents’ 50th anniversary, a celebration they’ve been discussing for years. I can’t even begin to express what that makes me feel, but suffice it to say, don’t get me started.
Now that my mum is my only living mother, it brings a touch to this Mother’s Day that I wasn’t expecting, especially looking back on the last 10 very difficult months and one week without my dad.
As a daughter who took my parents’ strength together for granted, there was a very real question in my mind about whether my mother would be able to live through such a loss and work again without my father. The bond between my parents was such that it seemed inconceivable that either of them could survive without the other.
I was gladly and thank God very wrong.
Somewhere along the way I forgot all that my mother had accomplished besides being a mother of two daughters and Anthion’s wife. She has been a competitive ballroom dancer, model, actress, midwife, librarian, minister, author (yoga and meditation books plus one resume to date), massage therapist, therapist, yoga teacher, and a tireless promoter of both her career and my dad. . No doubt I left something off this list!
Somewhere along the way I lost the ability to see my mother’s inner strength, resiliency spirit, rose-colored glasses, and stamina. I forgot I saw her ferocious insistence. So when my mother was confined to New Zealand last year due to circumstances, she survived more than that. She has adapted to life on her own in the midst of a pandemic. She has endured a strict and prolonged lockdown that isolates her from the nascent community she has barely begun to build. The friendships you already made have deepened. I have found many amazing forms of support, not only from within New Zealand but from all over the world. She has developed a life that she would never have imagined, all on her own. And all this while in the deepest melancholy.
She would say she couldn’t manage it without a lot of support. But I would say that her survival instinct must come from within her first. We couldn’t have supported her without her willingness to accept it.
This is my mom’s scale.
To all moms and dads, Happy Mother’s Day!
And to my dear mother, happy fiftieth anniversary. You are deeply loved, loved, appreciated and cherished in this life and beyond.
Written by Pritam Potts
Coach Pritam Potts is a writer and strength coach. After over 16 years training athletes and clients of all ages as a co-owner of Edmonds-based Advanced Athlete LLC, she now lives in Dallas, Texas. She writes about health, fitness, grief, loss, love, and life in www.advancedathlete.com.
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