Although not as well known as its masculine counterpart, toxic femininity can be just as devastating. Here’s how to check it out and beat its insidious impact on your career.
When I was a child, growing up in the South, my mother had specific standards for female behavior. I was sent to an etiquette class at a local department store and taught to walk with a book on my head to encourage good posture. But my female education wasn’t as pitted as it was anywhere Dinah Shore Show Came on TV.
In the 1970s, singer, actress and presenter Dina Shore gave a talk show in which she gave interviews to guests and sang occasionally. But my mother never made me observe the guests or the vocal methods of her host. She made me watch it because for her, Dina Shore was the pinnacle of decent and elegant feminine behaviour.
“Look how Dinah is sitting. She never flops on the sofa like you do.”
“Look how Dinah walks. What a beautiful pose.”
“Look how you dress Dinah, good taste.”
I honestly have no idea why my mother would choose Dina Shore over every other woman in the world, including herself, to emulate her. Perhaps it’s because Shore once dated Burt Reynolds, my mother’s number one star. Whatever the reason, it instilled in me a laundry list of rules for female behavior (which I almost don’t currently follow).
You may have heard of Toxic masculinity. It’s the force that makes a man afraid to use a pink pen or order a pink drink at Starbucks because it can make him appear less manly. Most recently, he was on full display at this year’s Academy Awards, when Will Smith took to the stage to slap Chris Rock for joking around with Smith’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith.
What is toxic femininity?
On the other hand, toxic femininity isn’t talked about much. It was one of the first places to be identified in their current form in 2018 Medium post by social psychologist and author Dr. Devon Price. In it, she offers many examples of the unthinking ways that women limit themselves and other women to a shallow definition of what constitutes “feminine”, “polite” or “feminine” behavior.
Toxic femininity might tell you, for example, that you should choose a salad for dinner because it’s more adept when you really want a steak. You should be spending a lot of money and time on hair, makeup, and wardrobe instead of that new car you want. Your body is not acceptable if it does not conform to society’s idea of beauty or attractiveness.
In the context of toxic femininity, although many of these definitions and so-called norms are based on male preferences, they are enshrined and implemented by women. They occur when women criticize each other for supposedly “unfeminine” behavior and appearance or when women make rules about what women should or should not do based on the fact that they are a woman.
Worse yet, it occurs when other women are seen as “bitchy” to speak up or speak out or when women avoid it. leadership roles Because they may be seen as too masculine. It happens when a woman gives up her short career because earning more money may threaten the status quo in her marriage.
It happens when we treat a man as a hero to show empathy, and then call a woman in leadership “weak” or “soft” for doing the same. It’s when we only listen to a woman Adopt speech habits a leg.
Toxic femininity creates an impossible quandary for women in business, and says that acting by society’s arbitrary rules of speech, dress, thought, and appearance is more important than doing a good job, taking care of yourself, or pursuing your interests and goals. This means that you do harm to women (and yourself) when you fall below the level you set “them” for correct behavior.
little tip
Starting and growing a business is a difficult task for anyone. Don’t double the difficulty by making toxic femininity part of the equation. Let the woman be in her own body without evaluating you. Let them eat whatever they want or wear whatever they want and don’t make the comment about it your business.
If you are a mentor and a trainee asks you about their personal behavior or appearance, give constructive feedback based on performance and professionalism rather than needing to lose weight, have a facelift, or act “like a lady.”
If you’re a woman trying to build your own business, give yourself a break from the impossible standards of perfection imposed on you by the well-meaning (and not-so-well-meaning) people of your past. Practice if it makes you happy, not because you “have” to be skinny to be agreeable. Eat for your health as a human being, not for something like politeness.
Speak for yourself, in your own voice, and give others the freedom to do the same. Value yourself for what you bring to the table, not how you look.
Most of all, get rid of the idea that you have to look or act a certain way to be a woman. Be what you want to be, do what you want, not because it is necessary but because it is your choice.
